Your child has just rolled their eyes, informed you they WILL be going to that party whether you like it or not, told you they hate you, burst into tears and then slammed their door - all in the space of two minutes.
Congratulations. You are the proud owner of a teenager. Don't fret though, if your teen is doing these or similar things, they're exactly where they should be.
As challenging as it can be to have a rebellious, moody, obnoxious adolescent take over your house for a few years, experts say it's pretty much par for the course.
In fact, it's the quiet ones you should worry about. According to experts, they are more likely to be masking anxiety.
Perth psychologist Tony White says that while some children naturally have a quieter temperament, for others a lack of rebellion is a sign you need to dig deeper.
"The research says about 75 per cent of teenagers will be rebellious to some degree, and that is a good thing because it means the teenager is standing up to authority and in psychological terms, they're developing their own identity," he says.
"If they don't (rebel) then you start worrying. I have written this thing - 'a happy teenager is not a healthy teenager' - because I have a lot of parents come in and say 'my teenager is fighting, that means he's developing wrongly.' Well, it doesn't. If they don't fight, then you can actually be having a problem."
He says quieter children may take a low profile and conform because they're anxious or scared of something happening in their life. It can be hard to find out what's going on because they don't like making waves.
At school, they may slip under the radar because they are quiet and "good", while the angry, rebellious child is immediately identified and given help.
Whether parents have a fighter or a complier, Mr White says it's important for them to understand their child's temperament and parent accordingly, rather than taking a one-size-fits-all approach.
Those with fighters will need a thick hide and will have to learn how to pick their battles. But whatever kind of teen parents have, experts say they'll fare best if the foundational relationship is strong to begin with.
Jennie Hannon, executive general manager of services at Anglicare, says that means the child knows they can share things with you, that you'll listen and that you are available when they need you to be, even if it's the least convenient time to you as a parent.
"Ultimately, you need to have got to the point when your child is 12 or 13 where your kids may not like everything you say but they do respect you, and respect is what will carry you through even if they don't agree with you," Ms Hannon says.
"It's that foundational relationship that will stand you through those times so you don't have a kid who is going to climb out a window and run away."
Clinical psychologist Kris Giesen, who lectures at Edith Cowan University, agrees. She says there will come a time when the child realises the parent cannot actually stop them from doing things.
"As children learn that, it is the relationship that they have with the parent, if it remains intact, that still has the capacity to influence the choices they make."
Dr Giesen says much of the business of parenting teens comes down to keeping them safe and simply trying to get through it.
"Your task here is to try and survive this stage rather than thinking that everything has a solution and can be resolved."
Source http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/lifestyle/a/-/health/9887333/teen-rebellion-can-be-a-good-sign/
Congratulations. You are the proud owner of a teenager. Don't fret though, if your teen is doing these or similar things, they're exactly where they should be.
As challenging as it can be to have a rebellious, moody, obnoxious adolescent take over your house for a few years, experts say it's pretty much par for the course.
In fact, it's the quiet ones you should worry about. According to experts, they are more likely to be masking anxiety.
Perth psychologist Tony White says that while some children naturally have a quieter temperament, for others a lack of rebellion is a sign you need to dig deeper.
"The research says about 75 per cent of teenagers will be rebellious to some degree, and that is a good thing because it means the teenager is standing up to authority and in psychological terms, they're developing their own identity," he says.
"If they don't (rebel) then you start worrying. I have written this thing - 'a happy teenager is not a healthy teenager' - because I have a lot of parents come in and say 'my teenager is fighting, that means he's developing wrongly.' Well, it doesn't. If they don't fight, then you can actually be having a problem."
He says quieter children may take a low profile and conform because they're anxious or scared of something happening in their life. It can be hard to find out what's going on because they don't like making waves.
At school, they may slip under the radar because they are quiet and "good", while the angry, rebellious child is immediately identified and given help.
Whether parents have a fighter or a complier, Mr White says it's important for them to understand their child's temperament and parent accordingly, rather than taking a one-size-fits-all approach.
Those with fighters will need a thick hide and will have to learn how to pick their battles. But whatever kind of teen parents have, experts say they'll fare best if the foundational relationship is strong to begin with.
Jennie Hannon, executive general manager of services at Anglicare, says that means the child knows they can share things with you, that you'll listen and that you are available when they need you to be, even if it's the least convenient time to you as a parent.
"Ultimately, you need to have got to the point when your child is 12 or 13 where your kids may not like everything you say but they do respect you, and respect is what will carry you through even if they don't agree with you," Ms Hannon says.
"It's that foundational relationship that will stand you through those times so you don't have a kid who is going to climb out a window and run away."
Clinical psychologist Kris Giesen, who lectures at Edith Cowan University, agrees. She says there will come a time when the child realises the parent cannot actually stop them from doing things.
"As children learn that, it is the relationship that they have with the parent, if it remains intact, that still has the capacity to influence the choices they make."
Dr Giesen says much of the business of parenting teens comes down to keeping them safe and simply trying to get through it.
"Your task here is to try and survive this stage rather than thinking that everything has a solution and can be resolved."
Source http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/lifestyle/a/-/health/9887333/teen-rebellion-can-be-a-good-sign/
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